Memories & Life Lessons

When I read about the Blackhawk that was shot down in Afghanistan today killing 7 of our best, it broke my heart, as it always does when I hear about any of our guys dying over there...and it made me remember another crash back in April 2005.
 If you have read any of my past blogs, you may remember that I mentioned a friend of mine, "Captain P," an Army National Guard officer who I became friends with through AnySoldier. (8 years now and he still puts up with me! HA!)  When the captain and I first started corresponding, he was deployed to Ghazni in Afghanistan. A mountainous region with lots of sand and (in the winter) snow storms, COMMS were not always reliable but better than you might otherwise expect for such a remote region. We always made the best of it, and talked pretty much every day (email and IM)  that we were able to when he was there on the base. He and I became pretty good friends. To this day, though, he still probably doesn't realize how much he helped me during some difficult times in my life. I never told him because his troubles were so much greater-I mean, getting shot at is pretty dang serious stuff... My own problems seemed insignificant next to that. When there weren't any sand storms making the COMMS go down, we were able to have a fairly set time as to when we could talk unless he was outside the wire. If he was going to be gone, he never could say that because of OPSEC, but there was always something he'd say that'd let me know it might be a little while before he could talk again. In early April 2005, he was going to be gone but he didn't expect for long because he signed off saying he'd talk to me the next night. The next night came and went and no captain...but I thought maybe he had to work extra. That next morning, I turned on the news like I always do and it was on every station...a Chinook carrying more than a dozen service members had gone down in a storm...and  when they said what region, my heart stopped. Ghazni. I found my laptop and shot a quick email to him: "I saw the awful news about that Chinook...please let me know you are ok."

Those of you who have seen death...the death of family, friends, fellow Marines, soldiers, SEALs...you may think I'm horribly naive. I have seen the deaths of elderly relatives and family friends...but never had I had a friend my own age to die until I was 22 (my friend Casey, who I wrote an earlier blog about). It was not a feeling I wanted to repeat! And NOT with him-I'd only known him 6 months and we'd never met face to face but that didn't make us any less friends in either of our eyes. The first day passed oh-so-agonizingly slowly...The Department of Defense attempts to be as thorough as possible when releasing names of casualties in order to make sure the families know before anyone else that their loved one is gone. I commend them on that. But what that meant for me was who knew how many hours and days of wondering if he was alive? I didn't know how to contact his parents or sister, so I could only watch that email inbox like a hawk. And I did...I tried to sleep with the laptop on beside me, logged on to IM in case he were to log in and at least I'd know. I've never prayed so hard in my life: Dear God, please just let him be alive.

Another day passed with no word and the DoD had not released any names because there were so many (15) whose families needed to be notified first. I checked the DoD casualty list page every few hours to see if it had been updated. I couldn't eat. I was on pins and needles all day, afraid to leave the house-what if I missed his email?  One thing people need to keep in mind...when you are just the friend and not the family member, spouse or significant other, if something happens to them, there is no Army officer who arrives at your door to tell you, there is no letter or official phone call. I would have found out either reading that DoD casualty list or seeing his picture on the news, because his parents and friends didn't know me. A sad thought. Four days in, after countless hours praying, after untold amount of tears shed and 3 sleepless nights, I got a short email from him:  "I'm ok. There's been a COMMS blackout because of the incident but I'll be in touch soon."
Talk about relief. And lots of thanksgiving for that blessing. Later he would tell me that yes, he had been there. There were 2 Chinooks. He was going to go on the first one, but he ended up deciding to wait for the next one. They were behind the one that went down. It could have been him-but God had other plans for Captain P...and while I mourned the loss of so many good men, I was thankful for his life.

I wouldn't dare to suggest that I know at all how the families of those lost today are feeling tonight. It just brought back some memories...the sick clenching feeling in my stomach...the way my heart felt like it was in a vise and I wasn't sure if I could draw another breath. Wondering what the last thing was that I said to him-was it kind? Did he know how much I treasured his friendship? After losing my friend Casey those many years past, I had always tried to make sure my friends knew how I felt about them...it is so important!

Seven years later, Captain P is now Major P and doing well...he's still in the Guard and is an instructor at a historical military college. He'll probably retire from the Army soon. We still talk though not every day anymore-life gets in the way sometimes! But we try-and I'm still so thankful for his friendship. God did indeed have other plans for him. What I learned from that experience was the following: 1) When it's your time to go, there's nothing you can do about it...God knows when it's your time. 2) Prayer is more than asking for things. It's comforting. No matter what had happened, I was drawing comfort from God during that difficult time. 3) You should always tell your friends how much you treasure their friendship. You never know when or if it'll be taken from you.